Hearts of Doubt
by SaberMay
Summary: Katara never pictured herself on a balcony of the Fire Nation's royal palace; always dressed in elegant red and surrounded by things meant for the eyes of royalty. Fate took her heart and gave it to a firebender she once hated. For him, she never thought she'd leave behind everything that was once called home to become a ruler of a nation that despised her. Yet, here she stood.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey everyone! This story was inspired by the Zutara-Week (DeviantArt) prompt 'Fire Lady'. Basically, it's my idea of what life would look like if Katara became Zuko's wife. This little story is going to be a three-shot. My life is unbelievably busy right now, so I'll try to get the next two chapters out as fast as I can. Sorry for the typos. I'll fix them when I find them.

Heed the rating, as this is not a story for children…

The cover art for this fic was created by me. It's directly tied with the summary. Also, my official Zweek submission is on DeviantArt. To get to it, go to the website, type in 'SaberMay' and look for the drawing called 'Tease'.

Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

 **Hearts of Doubt**

 _Chapter 1_

...

Katara stretched out on the soft, silken sheets. She could feel the warm sun's morning rays across her back and it was pleasant enough that it almost put her back to sleep. The air felt calm as a light breeze blew in from the open window, bringing with it the fresh scent of morning dew and the chirping of birds. She smiled and reached her hand out. Today was going to be a good day.

When she met cold, smooth sheets instead of the warm skin she was expecting, she opened her eyes and her smile faded.

' _Well, mostly a good day,'_ she thought.

Katara sat up and rubbed her tired eyes. A moment later, there was a knock on the door. After giving the person permission to enter, a young woman close to Katara's age stepped in and bowed respectfully.

"Good morning, my lady," she said, "I've come to ask if you would like your breakfast served here or in the dining hall."

"The dining hall, please," Katara said as she got out of bed.

"Do you require assistance in dressing?"

She gave the other woman the same answer she gave since day one. "No, thank you."

The lady-in-waiting nodded, then left the room, closing the door behind her. Still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Katara walked over to one of the windows facing the palace grounds. She pushed it open wider so she could more easily let the smell of flowers in.

They weren't lying when they said the Fire Nation's most beautiful time of year was now. The gardens were always charming year-round, but these few short weeks turned this place into a paradise. The sight of hundreds of pink blossoms blooming from every tree was a something no one could find anywhere in the world but right here, right now.

The view had her transfixed for a few minutes. She considered taking the day to simply sleep and relax in the shade of the trees, but her peaceful reverie didn't last long enough to decide.

Just like every other morning, her eyes inevitably drifted past the beautiful sight to another far beyond. The morning-lit ocean was as stunning as it always was, but she sighed and turned away when she found that, again, it lacked the large ship she was hoping would be there.

Trying to brush off the thought, and not wanting her mood to drop too low, she walked into the massive closet and picked through the abhorrently large collection of fine clothes. After deciding she could get away with a lighter outfit because of the warming weather, Katara picked out a thin, red and orange dress. She'd do anything to avoid wearing that thick, heavy, traditional drape unless she had to.

After that, she headed to the large vanity to wash up and work on her hair. Today, she chose gold beads to hold back her bangs and spent a little more time with styling than she normally did. Once satisfied with her appearance, she moved to start the part of her morning routine she was still not used to.

Slowly, her finger brushed over the golden-flamed crown as she stared at it. It was an heirloom passed down through ancient generations, and its worth was unimaginable. It had been worn by hundreds before her, and now it was hers.

With a frown, she fastened the crown to her top knot, then stared at her reflection again. It was amazing what a small piece of metal could do; the way it could make her feel like she was looking at someone different. It felt odd atop her head and she could always feel its weight throughout each day. It served as a constant reminder of the person she agreed to be.

Lately, the weight of it was all she could think about.

Almost like a whisper, memories of the past few months ran through her mind until one, in particular, took her attention entirely; one that was a nightmare amongst the rest.

She swallowed the nervous ball swelling in her throat as she closed her eyes, then shook her head to rid it of thoughts she did not want to think about. Now was not the time to start remembering _that –_ those horrible weeks. That's what the lonely nights were for. Daytime was when she could get away from all the uncertainty and doubt.

Katara moved to stand up, but when her eyes opened, they peered right at the necklace fastened around her neck. It was clad in purple, blue, and hints of red design. It was the betrothal necklace that Zuko gave her for the sake of tradition. She reached up to touch it and could hear the words from her most trusted royal advisor.

" _Purple is the rarest color in nature. You can travel the world and the times you see it will be few and far between. That's why many find it so beautiful."_

He told her that not long ago when Katara was at one of her lowest points. When she was drowning in fear and heartache, the kind man took her to walk through the gardens as they were in the midst of spring blooming. He said it as an afterthought to her, but she suspected he was alluding to their situation. Blue and red coming together – something rare in this world, especially these days.

The words of comfort couldn't quite bring a smile to her right now, but she touched it and felt a little better. So long as this was around her, she could handle the weight of the golden flame in her hair. Without the necklace, it would surely fall to the ground and shatter.

She stood and headed for the door, but briefly glanced at the unmade bed. Usually, she fixed it up herself, much to the chagrin of the maids, but decided to leave it be this time. The unmade side stood out like a sore thumb, and she couldn't help but frown for the second time that morning.

Zuko's been gone for two and a half months with the days still counting. Everyone expected him back a week ago, but every other day they got more news of a delay. Hopefully, the news she wanted to hear would be waiting for her when she got to the hall.

She was tired of nights by herself. She was tired of that smoothed out bedside.

When she opened the door, four young women were standing to the side waiting for her.

"I've told you guys you don't need to wait outside every morning," Katara said as she walked out. They fell in line behind her. "I know my way to the hall."

They apologized and informed her that 'it was their duty to make sure she had everything she needed at all times.' Upon hearing that, Katara sighed and let it go, knowing this treatment was never going to change. This was the life of royalty, she reminded herself, and it wasn't their fault they acted this way.

Even though two of them were dressed in blue and had dark skin like her own, it didn't make Katara any less comfortable with being waited on all the time. This was another part of her new life she wasn't going to get used to.

As they walked through the halls, passing servants and others who made a point to stop and show her respect, the air was thick with tension. It was always like this with them. The four girls behind her, two in red and two in blue, did not like each other. They never once showed it in front of Katara, but rumors and her own two eyes let her know well enough they did not get along.

It was the same situation with most others around here.

When she first came here, her father sent a dozen people with her to help her adjust. Everyone from these girls behind her to wise advisors and even a cook for when she wanted a taste of her old home came to this palace. At the time, she thought it was just fatherly paranoia, but then came to realize how much she appreciated the fact that familiar faces she grew up with were here when she needed them.

There was a clear split for a long time. It was her people and their people. When they talked about each other, it was always 'them' and never 'us'. For a while, it seemed no one was going to get along; but time does strange things to people. Even those that were at war for a century.

It would be a long time before each of them was comfortable enough to call the others 'friends', but if one looked hard enough, things were starting to change. The glares were lessening, the contempt wasn't talked about as much anymore, and there may have been a friendly conversation or two going on daily recently.

Those things alone made Katara's days hear easier to manage.

As they approached the dining hall, there was a duo of blue and red standing outside the doors.

These two men were an exception to what was going on. The tribesman was the only Water Tribe foreign advisor they had and the other standing with him was a man whose family had a long history of advising the royal family. He, compared to the others, was kinder. He had an idealistic nature that he shared with current Fire Lord and, as a result, took to foreigners better than most.

These days, she saw these men hanging around each other a lot as they got along better than most. The one dressed in red was the very same man that offered her the advice in the garden a few weeks ago.

Once they spotted Katara's approach, they offered her a formal greeting. She smiled up at them while dismissing the girls behind her. Not having it in her to start with small talk, she skipped right to the point. "Have you heard anything?"

"We received another messenger hawk this morning," the man in red said as he dug through his pocket, "Honestly, I'm surprised the bird made here at all. It was soaking wet when it got to the scribe's tower."

"And?" she pressed.

He handed her a small scroll and she quickly read over it as he summarized the written words. "The weather is slowing them down, but they've made it past the outer islands."

"It doesn't say how much longer they'll be."

"With the hurricane, probably another week."

Just how many more weeks was it going to take? Katara sighed, frustrated, then handed the letter back.

"In fact, today marks the longest a Fire Lord has ever been away on political business that does not involve warfare. We'll have to note that in the history books."

The tribesman watched Katara's face critically as she stared off to the side with a deep frown, then said, "It's unfortunate he's been gone so long."

"It was necessary," she drawled.

"Very unfortunate, though," said the man in red, "Away handling one crisis while another raged here."

She glanced back at them when the tribesman nudged her arm and added, "And handle it you did. I don't think the Fire Lord himself could have done a better job."

"I didn't handle it all on my own. I couldn't have done it without both of you," she said.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, my lady. You are far more deserving than you think," said the man in red. "It was not our words that changed the minds of the people."

She decided not to add anything further. She was annoyed with them right now. That incident that kept her from going to the Earth Kingdom with Zuko was not something she considered a success, even if she _was_ able to stop a rebellion from breaking out.

She stayed because she had to and only because Zuko could not be in two places at once. She walked into that mess head-first with unshakable determination, but she never expected it to turn out the way it did. The effect it had on her by the time she came back to this palace was not something she was prepared to deal with. Alone, to boot.

The only good thing that came from that was the slightly better treatment she received from the nobility surrounding her here. Many still saw her as an invader, with her dark skin and blue eyes, and with the war having ended only six years ago, people still had their grudges. After the crisis she took on settled down, most were starting to give her some genuine respect instead of the fake formalities.

However, the cost to earn it was too high in her opinion. She wouldn't do it again for the sake of gaining trust.

"You frown too much these days, Katara," said the tribesman.

"You know why," she said as she pictured the memory of Zuko's fleet leaving the harbor.

"Indeed, but perhaps I can lighten your mood today." He gestured to the side of them. "Go look out the window."

Katara gave him a quizzical look before walking up to the glass that was pouring in morning light. She immediately looked to the harbor in anticipation. The small twinge of hope disappeared when the water was still empty of the ships she wanted to see.

"Look to the northern port."

Katara got closer to the glass and squinted her eyes. A moment later, they widened and her mouth dropped when she recognized a small ship about to dock. She quickly turned back to the tribesman in surprise.

"They're here early," he said with a smile, "It's your brother."

Her face lit up instantly. The man in front of her was about to say something else, but he was cut off when Katara turned to run down the hall.

"Wait! They'll be escorted to the palace once they dock!"

She shook her head, not slowing her pace at all. She couldn't wait that long. Her brother, who she hadn't seen in what felt like a lifetime, was finally here! It may not be the person she wanted to see most, but she felt her days of waiting were finally given a break.

Curious looks were directed her way when the servants and others saw their Fire Lady nearly run down the halls to get to the palace doors, but Katara didn't notice them at all. She was too busy with the feeling of her chest swelling with excitement she could barely contain.

* * *

The carriage was still slowing down when Katara lost her patience and decided to get out anyway. She would have run down the entire mountain to get to the harbor if she weren't stopped by some others that insisted they escort her instead.

When she stepped to the ground, she finally noticed the tail of followers they picked up along the way. Behind the soldiers, a crowd of people peeked over to see what noble was hiding amongst the large escort. When they saw her face, voices raised as they turned to each other.

Out of habit, Katara slowed her frantic steps and straightened up a little, remembering her lessons on how royalty was expected to act in front of people. She was a bit nervous under all the stares until someone in the crowd smiled and waved at her. Slowly, others began to do the same.

Katara offered her own smile and waved at them for a moment before turning back to the direction she was headed. They must have sent word ahead of her because the entire section of the dock she was at was blocked off by soldiers. The Water Tribe ship had its last rope secured as Katara approached.

She looked eagerly between the many faces and greeted everyone that stepped off, but couldn't find the one she was looking for. Finally, behind a large crate being taken off, she spotted him. Sokka was halfway down the plank when he saw her and barely onto the ground when she attacked him with a hug.

"Woah, hey there," he said as he wrapped his arms around her. "Geez, I can hardly breathe. You act like we haven't seen each other in years."

After a moment, he dropped his arms to end the hug, but froze when Katara wouldn't budge. A little hesitant, he wrapped his arms around her again. She was stiff against his chest for a long minute, and, at some point, realized it was going on longer than normal. When she finally backed away, Sokka had a quizzical look ready for her.

"Are you crying?" he asked.

She smiled and wiped at her eyes. "I'm just happy to see you."

"The feeling's mutual," he said with a grin and wiped one of her tears away. "You ruined my plan."

"What plan?"

"I was going to greet you like the queen you are." He stepped back and straightened up. "Let's see. I forgot how this goes."

He bowed formally to her with a serious face, but when his head dipped, he glanced up at her with a humorous smile. Katara laughed at the display. He then stood upright and nudged her arm. "How have you been?"

For some reason, now of all times, she could feel the crown weighing down her topknot. She reached her hand up to adjust it, but it halted midair before slowly falling to her side again. She didn't realize she was standing there staring off blankly until Sokka cleared his throat. Her eyes darted back to his and she noticed her smile had disappeared.

"Great," she said in a quick, higher-pitch-than-usual voice. She put a smile back on and Sokka raised his eyebrow at her.

"Katara?" came a recognizable voice towards the ship's other plank.

Katara looked over in surprise to find Suki stepping onto the dock and wasted no time in giving her a hug as well. "Suki! I didn't know you were coming," she said.

"We wanted to surprise you." Sokka walked up next to them and slipped an arm around Suki's shoulders while giving her a big kiss on the cheek.

"I'm glad you're here early. Both of you."

For a few minutes, the trio chattered lightly about the long trip there as people continued to off-load supplies from the ship. Eventually, the Water Tribe advisor she ran from earlier walked up and greeted the three.

"Sokka, it's good to see you. How is your father?"

"Getting old," he said in amusement. "He wanted me to tell you hi, by the way."

The man nodded in return. "Come, I'm sure you'd like to get settled in after your long trip. We have rooms and a hot meal waiting at the palace."

"Good. I'm starving," said Sokka. He grabbed Suki's hand and headed towards the street.

"Wait! Where are you going?" asked Katara.

"To the palace? It's all the way up the mountain, isn't it?"

"We're not walking up there. We're taking this," Katara said as she walked over to the carriage she arrived in.

After looking curiously at her for a moment, they followed her in and sat down. Once he, Suki, Katara, and the advisor were in, the door was shut, and the large band of people around them started walking.

"Royal escort, huh?" asked Suki. "I didn't think it would take sixty people to get us to the palace."

"There's usually more," she said with amusement. When she looked to Sokka, he was busy staring at every nook and cranny in the carriage with a look of disbelief. "What is it?"

"I'm pretty sure our tribe doesn't own enough gold to buy a carriage like this," he said as he tapped the golden trimming next to him.

Katara just shrugged without comment. She could think of at least a hundred other things far more luxurious than what they were surrounded by. This, in comparison to most other things, was barely up to standards.

"So, you're here early," she said.

"Yeah, I figured there was no point in waiting. Also, since the Northern Tribe's going to be here early too, I didn't want to be the last ones to show."

"What? They're coming early?"

"Yeah," he said with a raised eyebrow. When Katara and the advisor next to her exchanged glances, Sokka dug through his pocket and pulled out a small scroll. He handed it to the advisor.

"It's true," said the advisor after scanning the words, "How like them not to tell us."

"That makes the third time they've done this," said Katara.

"You two don't look happy about it."

"It's not that, it's just what's going to happen when they get here," said Katara.

"What do you mean?"

"Ever since I became Fire Lady, they've put a lot of pressure on me to work deals with them. They make it sound like I owe it to them since I'm Water Tribe."

"She's a political conquest to them," said the advisor.

"You never told me that," said Sokka.

"It wasn't a problem until Zuko left. I've technically been in charge since then, and they're trying to take advantage of it. I'm used to it at this point, though. I like the Northern Water Tribe, just not their ambassadors."

"I'm surprised, but I shouldn't be."

"Can't be helped at this point," said the advisor, "Can I keep this, Sokka?"

"Sure."

"We also left early to avoid the hurricane. We could see the edge of it when we were coming in," said Suki.

"Yeah," Katara sighed, "Zuko's stuck in it right now."

"You mean he's still gone?"

"Yep."

"Wow. I remember you told me about it in your letters. You've been married seven months and he's been gone for almost three of them."

Katara tried to smile reassuringly, but it was obviously forced, and she could tell that everyone picked up on it. So, she gave up and just looked to the side with a frown. Always one to try to lighten the mood, Sokka spoke up, "Speaking of which, how's the married life been? Aside from, you know, Zuko being in the Earth Kingdom to prevent another war."

Amazing, wonderful, everything she hoped for – those were words she came up with, but, like everyone knew, a good chunk of her marriage was spent alone. She had other words to describe what she was feeling these days, but chose to say none of them. She smiled again, this time, flawlessly hiding the fact that she was lying. "It's been great."

"Katara has done a lot of good for this nation since she took on the role of Fire Lady," said the advisor.

"I've heard a few things," said Sokka.

Suddenly, they heard shouting outside in the street. When they turned to look out the window, there were people standing behind the soldiers waving at them with big smiles on their faces. Katara smiled and waved back.

"Look at them," said Suki, "Do they know you're in here?"

Katara nodded.

"They look like they adore you. Don't take this the wrong way, but I wasn't expecting to see this."

"What were you expecting?" asked the advisor.

"The same things we saw the wedding day; riots, yelling, angry crowds."

"A lot has changed in seven months. Many still feel the same as they did since Zuko took her as his wife, but not everyone. She's still working on the higher class and nobility, but she's won the hearts of the common people."

"How?"

Katara managed a small smile as the advisor answered, "By doing something no other Fire Lady has ever done in the past."

"What-" Sokka started before he was interrupted. A knock on one of the windows made them all turn. The advisor opened it up slightly to find a messenger.

"My apologies, my lady. I did not mean to disturb, but regarding…"

He asked various questions about the visitors, the cargo they brought, and a handful of other unrelated things. The topic before was brushed aside, and, when the messenger left, they eventually got onto other things until they finally arrived at the palace grounds after a long ride through the city streets.

With the help of many servants, all of the visitor's things were carried in. Katara personally escorted all of them through the massive, luxurious palace for a brief tour then lead them to the rooms they were to stay in. Feeling excited with so many familiar faces around her, she didn't want to leave and wait till dinner to see them again. Instead, she decided to spend a little extra time with Suki to help her unpack for their three week stay.

The amount of relief Katara felt was indescribable as they chattered about everything from the Kyoshi warriors, the south pole, time spent apart, even small things like Suki's longer hair. She had friends here, but none like Suki. There wasn't even the slightest expectation to act like royalty in front of her, and Katara loosened up more than she had in what felt like months.

"I love your dress, by the way," Suki said as she put the last handful of clothes into the dresser.

Katara was cross-legged on the bed staring off into space when Suki spoke. She looked down at the fine material covering her.

"Oh, this? Thank you." Katara toyed with the hem for a moment. "Would you believe me if I told you this was considered casual?"

"Maybe not if you asked me an hour ago, but after seeing the rest of this place, I believe you."

"Didn't you notice any of this the last time you were here?" Katara eyed the décor surrounding the room.

"Yeah, I noticed, but I don't think I could ever get used to seeing this kind of luxury."

"You and me both," Katara giggled then eyed her with a raised eyebrow, "You want to see the rest of my clothes?"

Suki tapped her chin the smiled. "Why not?"

Katara jumped from the bed, suddenly feeling oddly giddy. After making sure she was completely settled in, she led Suki through the halls until they got to the royal family's personal wing. When she stepped into her bedroom, she grabbed Suki's hand and brought her to the closet. Her mouth dropped open in shock at how packed it was. Katara lightly laughed, completely expecting that reaction.

After commenting that she'd never be able to wear the same outfit twice for the rest of her life, Katara had an idea and reached out to one of the hanging dresses. "Want to wear one like mine?"

"You mean to wear around here?"

"Of course."

"I never took you one for playing dress up."

"I'm not, really, but indulge me. I never get to do stuff like this."

After a moment of debate, Suki agreed and Katara felt like she was a teenager all over again. Suki chose an outfit similar to Katara's, but with different colors, and helped her dress. They spent awhile staring at their reflections and eventually Suki agreed to let her fix up her hair a little. As the both of them got lost in elated conversation, Katara knew they were going to be late to dinner, but she was having so much fun that she completely lost track of time.

* * *

"Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?" Sokka asked with wide eyes as Suki and Katara approached the dinner table. His eyes were glued to Suki's figure.

Suki smiled at his question before she was wrapped up in a hug and given a quick smooch. Katara almost laughed at the display. They were surrounded by the rest of the people that came on the voyage with them as well as a few Fire Nation dignitaries, yet none of that seemed to matter to Sokka. He threw formality to the wind whenever he was around Suki.

Now the center of attention, Katara spent a few minutes receiving greetings and well wishes. When the food was brought out, she took her usual spot on one of the cushions as others did the same. Instead of sitting in the grand dining hall, they chose to setup outside in the gardens among the ponds and flowering trees for dinner. Coupled with the sun starting to set, the view was both stunning and peaceful.

As they ate, many conversations went on around the table. People laughed with each other, discussed political topics, and so much more. Katara remarked humorously to herself how the red and blue surrounding her all seemed to get along. She didn't really care if some of them may have been behaving cordially just to please her. She gladly accepted the friendly atmosphere.

Despite her good mood, she hardly uttered a word unless spoken to, yet the smile on her face never wavered. She was too busy staring at each familiar face trying to burn the scene into her memory. La knows she lacked this kind of calm feeling these days.

Katara sighed contently and rested her head in her hand leaning against the table. This, right here in front of her, surrounded by family and friends, was what she so desperately needed.

All good things had to come to an end. Dinner eventually ended and people began to stand up. One by one, they formally bid her good night as they took their leave. When the sky was a deep pink fading into purple, all that was left was her, Sokka, Suki, and the two advisors she got along with the best.

"I don't want the night to end," said Suki.

"Me neither," said Katara, "Here, follow me."

Instead of walking into the palace for the night, she headed over to the open pavilion and sat down on the plush seats to enjoy the rest of the sunset. The others followed her and relaxed as they spread out. As they conversed, the advisor in red poured a glass of tea for each of them.

"Well, it's official," said Sokka, "You've hit the 'stinking rich' tier."

"I'm honored," she said sarcastically.

"Seriously, though, I expect a gold boomerang for my next birthday present."

"I can do that," she said with a smug little smile. "It's too bad you'll have to wait a whole year for it."

"Okay, then, how about a wedding present?"

Katara froze with the glass against her lips. She lowered it as she looked between a grinning Sokka and Suki with wide eyes and immediately caught on to what he was referring to. She always knew this day would come, but the two of them put off making a commitment year after year that it seemed it was still far off in the future. "Really?" she asked, excited.

"We're going to make it official once we get back. We wanted you to be the first to know," said Suki.

"You mean you haven't told anyone else?"

Suki nodded. For some reason, that made Katara very emotional. For the second time that day, tears gathered in her eyes. She jumped up and gave them both long hugs again. The two advisors congratulated them as well.

Instead of sitting back down in her spot, Katara sat right next to Suki as she told her the story of his proposal and gave her all the details. Katara asked endless questions to her future sister-in-law, unable to stop. Suki eventually pulled out the betrothal necklace he made for her. Like her own, it had elements of the place Suki grew up mixed in with the traditional blue. After about a half hour, Sokka finally stopped their chattering. "Okay, okay, we can talk about this later. We barely have anything planned yet."

"You're getting married! Why wouldn't you want to talk about it?!"

"I'd rather talk about you right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't seen you in months and you disappeared with Suki all afternoon doing who knows what. I'd like to catch up, you know?"

"Okay, fine, but this conversation isn't over," she told Suki with determination. With the topic ended, Katara leaned into the cushion behind her and took another sip of her tea. "What do you want to know?"

"For one, I want to know what you," Sokka said as he gestured to the Water Tribe advisor, "were talking about on our way up here."

"Pardon?" asked the man.

"You said Katara was doing something different that Fire Ladies in the past haven't done."

"Ah, that."

The advisor in red spoke up. "Katara is unique compared to the usual royalty that's lived in this palace. My family has advised the royal family for generations and none have been as unique as her. Instead of spending her time in the palace, she's constantly going to the healing houses in the city."

"I want to help. I can't do it if I'm here all day," she said defensively.

"You should have seen the panic that caused the first few times she left for it," said the man in blue.

"Why would it cause a panic?" asked Suki.

The Fire Nation advisor continued, "The class divisions in the Fire Nation are nearly on par with Ba Sing Se's. You have to understand that it is highly unusual for royalty to interact with common people on a daily basis. For Katara to visit the healing houses with the sick as often as she has is unheard of. I myself was surprised when I heard she was going to such places."

"That's definitely something you would do," Sokka said with a small smile then added sarcastically, "I bet you snuck out a few times to do it."

"I did, actually," she said to his surprise, "They tried to tell me no, so I went when they weren't looking. I don't like sitting here all day going through scrolls and getting my hair combed."

"Definitely you," Sokka repeated.

"They eventually let her go because, well, she is the Fire Lady, and no one can really tell her what to do," the advisor continued, "The people hear what she is doing and see her every day using her waterbending to heal the sick; those that are often overlooked in society. The common people's rejection of her is turning to acceptance."

"I don't do it for other's approval."

"I know. I believed that's what your motive was when you first started, but then I realized the truth."

"Which is?"

"That's just who you are."

"How have they taken to a Fire Lady that can waterbend?"

"The nobility is having a hard time with it," she muttered.

"Let me guess," said Sokka. "Besides the whole foreign queen thing, they're worried your kids are going to be waterbenders."

"Exactly," said the advisor.

"You know, I heard a rumor once that it's whoever's in charge in the bedroom that determines the type of bending for the kids."

Katara choked on her last sip of tea and set the cup down a little harshly as she coughed.

"You're blushing," said Sokka.

Without realizing it, Katara's hand darted up to her cheek. "I am not."

"You are too. Come on, Katara, you're still going to act like that even though you and Zuko have been doing the deed for months now?"

"Probably longer," Suki added then sipped her tea.

It was one thing to let her brother tease her like this when they were alone. It was _entirely_ different when she was sitting right next to two respectable royal advisors who, mind her, were both staring at her blankly.

"We're changing the subject _now_."

"Hey Suki, you've got earthbending ancestors in your family history, right?" Sokka asked slyly as he bobbed his eyebrows.

She smiled mischievously. "Right."

"Anyway," Katara quickly cut in, "so, uh-"

She had no idea what to say. Her blush worsened as people in the group stared at her with those knowing eyes. Suki finally took pity on her and changed the subject. "That aside, I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"You didn't talk about the rebellion much in your letters. What happened, exactly?"

Katara suddenly felt her blood run cold and her light smile disappear. She barely noticed Sokka had the same reaction. His smile vanished and he looked to Suki with a brief, critical look. Katara looked off to the side of her as memories she something wished would disappear filled her attention.

"Katara?" Suki asked when she did not respond.

The advisor in red quickly spoke instead. "There were a few cities towards the south that joined together and declared their intention to rebel from the monarchy. We knew it was coming, but it happened at an unfortunate time."

"When Zuko left?"

"Yes, right before he left. It was more important to stop another world war from breaking out than go south to the cities. Katara chose to stay behind to help handle it. It took us weeks and the intimidation of a small army to get them to surrender."

"A fight broke out?"

"Yes, but it could have been much worse if not for Katara. She managed to persuade some of the nobility to surrender before bloodshed occurred. By law, rebellions are not tolerated in the Fire Nation, and there is very little room for negotiation. It's either surrender, or die."

"Those are high stakes."

"Yes, they are. The cities would have been run-down if not for Katara's words."

"It wasn't as simple as that," Katara snapped with a frown.

Suki looked at her in surprise hearing her harsh tone. The advisor fidgeted slightly and hesitated. "No, it wasn't," he agreed, "but in the end, what matters is that it never made it to drastic measures."

There was thick tension in the air and Suki didn't say any more on the topic. They moved onto other things, but Katara was no longer listening. Strangely, Sokka wasn't either. His face was still rigid and if he wasn't looking at Katara, he was staring off to the side as well. Suki took to talking with the advisors instead.

When the sunlight was completely gone from the sky and the stars shined above them, the tribesman finally stood up. "I think it's time we should all retire for the night. There's a lot to do tomorrow morning."

All of them agreed except for Sokka. As they started to stand, he looked to Katara. "Hold on. I want to talk to you."

He still wasn't smiling and looked at her critically. "Alone," he added.

Katara furrowed her brow in confusion and looked to the other three. "Okay?" she said as she sat back down.

With hesitant looks, the two advisors and Suki, who didn't seem to be bothered by Sokka's request, took their leave. When the sliding door was shut and they were alone, Katara waited for him to say something, but he was quiet and the only thing she could hear was the swaying of the trees and crickets.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she finally asked.

"I thought Zuko would be back weeks ago."

This was what he was giving her that look for? Katara eyed him suspiciously. "Like I already said, he was supposed to, but things got worse the longer he was there."

"But they reached a settlement a month ago," he stated.

"They did."

"That second war that almost broke out - you know that's why we're here, right? It's why the north is coming, too."

"I know, but now that it's been cleared up, I don't know what we'll be discussing."

Sokka tapped his foot against the ground and looked away a little disgruntled. "Sokka, I don't know where you're going with this. Do you want to know more about Zuko's peace settlement?"

"No, I don't."

"Then what is it?"

"Forget I said that. It's not what I want to talk to you about."

"Okay, spit it out then," she nearly yelled, losing her patience.

"Why didn't you go to the Earth Kingdom?"

"The _rebellion_ -"

"I know," he interrupted, "but that was two months ago. Why didn't you go after it ended?"

Katara blinked a few times in response then frowned and looked away. "It wasn't put down in one night, Sokka. I couldn't leave."

"You should have," he said, then added in a lower voice, "Or you should have come to the south pole."

"What are you talking about? Why are you acting like this?"

He looked away and sighed and tension-filled moments passed by them. He was being far too quiet for Katara's tastes. "I heard what happened, Katara."

She looked into his watchful eyes a second later. She was about to demand what he meant by that, but the unspoken words that passed between them let her know well enough what he was talking about. She had no idea how, but she could see it in his eyes; the secret she kept for all these weeks. Somehow, he _knew_.

The blood drained from her face. "Who told you?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does-"

"No, it doesn't."

At his raised voice, Katara shut her mouth and looked away, feeling completely suffocated in the look he was giving her.

"What were you thinking? You should have gone with Zuko the moment it was over. You should have told me, Suki, dad – anyone."

"I couldn't."

"No, I'm not okay with that answer. You should have come home."

"This is my home," she whispered.

That response seemed to hit a chord in him. He blinked at her before his face turned slightly apologetic. "I know," he sighed. He fidgeted with his hand again for a moment. Katara wasn't looking at him, but she could feel the questions in the air; questions she did not want to answer right now.

"Does Zuko know?"

Once again, tears gathered in her eyes. "No."

"I was pretty upset with him for staying away all this time, but if you haven't even told him, I don't know what to think anymore." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why haven't you told anyone?"

She didn't answer.

"Wait, you've got to be kidding me. You didn't tell him because you knew he'd come back in the middle of all that, didn't you?"

"Maybe I did," she said with a faltered voice, "I'm tired of war. If me keeping that secret was what it took to keep him there and negotiating, then so be it."

The fire in his eyes disappeared and was replaced with sadness and hurt. "Katara, you're not isolated here-"

"Please stop," she interrupted.

To her surprise, he did.

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"I think you need to."

He didn't understand. Deep down she knew she needed a shoulder to cry on, but right now she couldn't handle it. She needed to leave, soon, before she completely broke down. This secret – the thing that haunted her dreams for a long time now – wasn't supposed to be anyone's business but her own.

Katara stood up and turned away from him. "I said I don't want to."

Sokka jumped to his feet. "Wait. I'm worried about you. You've never shut me out like this before," he said as he grabbed her arm.

"Let me go, Sokka."

He didn't at first, but then his fingers slowly loosened enough for her to pull away. Without another glance at him, she walked towards the palace doors. "Goodnight," she muttered.

The air behind her was quiet when she slid the door shut.

The happiness she felt all day long was sapped from her and no amount of happy memories could console her right now. Fighting against the lump in her throat, she felt numb the entire walk to her bedroom. She pulled her clothes off in a stream on the floor as she walked to the large, empty bed. The last thing she pulled off was the golden crown. She heard it tumble across the ground as it slipped from her fingers.

Tonight, it was especially painful to climb into the cold sheets.

When her head finally rested in the pillow, the tears and weeks of emotion she kept back finally broke through. She cried for hours haunted by the fact that, in her darkest hours, she was completely and utterly alone. Even now, with her family only a minute's walk from where she was, she felt so _alone_.

Rest did not come easily to her that night. When she was empty of tears, she tossed and turned fitfully as she waited impatiently for sleep to give her some peace. After pleading for hours, her eyes finally started to droop in the early morning light, but the relief was short-lived. She wondered if sleep came to her all as the familiar feel of the sun's morning rays crept up her skin.

The busy sounds of the palace coming to life reached her ears at one point, but her thoughts were elsewhere. She felt lost in the space of her mind, and resigned herself to stay in that bed all day long. She didn't want to be the Fire Lady today, she didn't want to go around and visit with people, she didn't want to eat, and a very small part of her didn't even want to breathe.

The only thing that could have willed her to open her eyes in that moment sounded far off through the outside air, but close enough that she knew exactly what it was. Her heart skipped a beat as she recognized the unique arrival horns blaring in the distance. Her tired eyes widened and looked to the window.

The Fire Lord had returned.

* * *

A/N: Don't jump to conclusions about what's going on with Katara just yet. Wait until the next chapter before making judgments.

Care to share your thoughts? Excited for more? Have any theories on the secret Katara is keeping?

Until next time!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for letting me know your theories last chapter. I loved it! I'll save most of my comments for the end of this chapter.

Bad news…I got some random inspiration the other day for this fic and I'm changing the ending. Therefore, the art that I did for the story no longer applies. Oh well.

Disclaimer: No own, no sue.

* * *

 **Hearts of Doubt**

 _Chapter 2_

...

Katara often wondered where it started.

Was it the night Zuko first kissed her? When she was in the middle of yelling at him for something before he grabbed her and made her forget her own name with his lips? Or maybe it happened the time Katara walked away from him and he uttered her name and the word 'love' in the same sentence, thinking she couldn't hear him.

The first evening she noticed herself starring at him across the room with a longing she never before felt?

The night she looked into his eyes and felt an over powering desire to reach up and touch his scarred face, like she did in that tender moment beneath Ba Sing Se, yet in a way more intimate than the boundary of friendship permits?

Maybe it was during one of the evenings she spent with him as he unloaded on her all the frustrations and doubts he had; something she later found out he told no one but her.

For all she knew, perhaps it came before that. Was it when she felt that strange twinge of disappointment as Appa few away from the Fire Nation after Zuko's coronation, knowing it would be a long while before she saw him next? It could have been the day of Sozin's comet when Zuko dove in front of her to take that lightning bolt that surely would have killed her - the same one that almost killed him.

Perhaps it was the day when only he and no one else stepped up to help her find her mother's killer. The only one that saw that side of her and didn't cower back expecting her to fall back into the always-caring waterbender…

She didn't know when it happened, but she felt absolutely blindsided by it when it did.

Somewhere during the seven years since she first laid eyes on that scarred face amongst the falling black snow, she fell in love with him.

Zuko. A firebender. Son of those that committed the worst atrocities the world had ever seen to the airbenders, the Earth Kingdom, and even her own people. Someone who came from a world built on the graves of innocent lives lost and whose breath of life seemed to come from war itself. He was the Fire Nation's banished prince. Now, a man that held a title she used to have nightmares about.

Yet…

Zuko. A man that tried to hold the light of peace for all to see no matter how hard the forces of hate tried to put it out. He willingly gave his soul to the world, trying with every ounce of his being to mend the never-ending wounds.

A man that paid the price of the greater good by giving his own heart, while slowly taking hers at the same time. One who broke past every wall she stubbornly put up against him, whose lingering gazes reached down into her in ways no one else in this large world could. He, the one who always seemed so close, yet so far out of reach...until the day he wasn't.

It was love from the mysterious start, but certainly not devotion. How could it be? Everything, absolutely everything, about being in love with each other was both unacceptable and wrong in the eyes of themselves and the world.

What about Aang? What about Mai? What about the distance between them, both literally and figuratively? The master waterbending warrior from the south and the idealistic king in charge of the fate of millions of people; in love with each other? The Fire Nation and Water Tribe - they were a people so divided they hardly saw each other as human. Those things, and many, many more drove a crumbling wedge between them.

It took three long years to get from the start to where they were now. It was years of denial, acceptance, plenty of rejection, comfort, heartache, fighting, sneaking into each other's arms, leaving, and coming back. All of that over and over and over again until the day it stopped.

On that day, their spirits nearly broken from the struggle, they both stopped the exhausting game of tug-of-war. That day, when Zuko's pain-filled golden eyes looked into hers as he told her he loved her, something changed.

When he said it amongst the falling blossoms, away from the throne, away from the ice, and in a spot all of their own, Katara knew without a shadow of doubt that she did too. She always would, and nothing was going to change that.

It was somewhat of a day of loss for her, for she realized her heart was no longer her own. It would forever be Zuko's.

Shortly after that came the pain of knowing she could not live without him and he was quick to tell her the same. Because of that, their fate was sealed that day.

Putting aside all the reasons that drove them apart, they made a choice that would bring them together for all time; a decision that would shake the future of all the nations forever. They wanted to fix this broken world, and they wanted to do it together.

That was another battle entirely. Blue and red coming together out of love on such a scale? The Fire Lord taking a Water Tribe woman as his wife? It was unheard of, and Zuko almost lost his crown when he announced his intention. The people hated him for it - they hated _her_ for it. It took every ounce of their energy to convince people of their vision for the future.

Through the hate, ridicule, and rejection of those all around them, they held fast to each other and to the idea that their union marked a new, changed era of peace. Then, one day against all odds, they landed enough support for their marriage.

Katara would become the Fire Lady, queen of the Fire Nation, at Zuko's side. The heartache would end, she'd be with the man she loved, and the two of them would bring this world together.

It started as love and then changed into something much grander.

She believed with unshakable determination that she could change the hearts of others with the power and position she was given. She could be a light of hope in this wounded world and lead others down the path of acceptance she already walked. This world could come together. She could do it. She was ready to give it her all.

For with Zuko at her side, she could do anything.

But…

Ideas of change came at a price - one so hopelessly and unimaginably high that she never came close to understanding it. She was supposed to be ready for whatever this world could throw at her. War hardened her, peace set her free, and love completed her. What still existed that could bring her down to a place she already rose from?

Katara, who was so lost in thoughts of love and hope, did not see the cold water that was reality until the moment it brought her under. It froze her limbs, stole her vision, and savagely took every ounce of air from her.

She thought she knew how to navigate the depths of doubt.

How utterly naïve she was.

* * *

There was hardly an open space at the large docking area. The entire city shut down just to see the Fire Lord's arrival and anyone who could manage it was now standing in the growing crowd behind the large wall of soldiers. The Fire Nation went above and beyond in everything they did, and greeting the ruling monarch for his return was no exception.

Katara was surrounded by advisors, nobles, governors, generals, and just about every other important face she saw in the palace these days. Dressed in their best, they all waited for Zuko to walk off the massive flagship after his long absence.

Excitement and anticipation drifted through the morning breeze, but none of it reached Katara.

She gripped at her red dress with a nervous hand while trying not to bite her lip. If everyone weren't so engrossed in what was in happening away from them, they surely would have noticed the Fire Lady's obvious anxiety.

All she could think about every hour of every day since he left was that she wanted him back in her arms. She missed him so much that her heart ached even now, but it wasn't just her longing to see him that had her nerves in a knot. A small part of her, growing louder every second she stood waiting, wished she had another week away from him like the letter said.

She was terrified to look into those golden eyes, knowing that she would eventually have to tell him what she made others swear they wouldn't. She wasn't ready for it; not by a long shot.

Breaking her eyes from the flagship, Katara looked to her brother who was far down the greeting line from her, but still close enough to see. To her surprise, he was watching her. The eye contact was brief before she quickly looked away, but it was long enough to shove the weight of their conversation the previous night down on her. It was absolutely crushing and only furthered her desire to run away.

 _'Again...'_ she thought with dread.

Just when the fear was about to break another barrier and paralyze her completely, her eyes moved back up to the only thing that could save her in that moment. In a mere second, the world around her faded, and her heart nearly stopped with sweet relief when she finally saw him.

Zuko stepped over the hull and onto the stairs, the gold trimming of his royal armor shining brightly as it caught the morning sunlight from behind. To the crowd around her, he stood tall like the powerful man he was with his golden-flame crown glistening for everyone to see. To Katara, a lifeline like none else. Some of the people erupted in cheers as he walked down the steps with a band of escorts. He didn't seem to notice them, and quickly scanned through the crowd.

Katara didn't realize she was moving forward until someone called her name from behind her. She was supposed to stay put and wait until he approached - it was tradition, or so she was told. When Zuko finally found her, he picked up his pace.

A moment after he touched the ground, Katara ran up to him and slammed him with a hug. He grunted at the impact, then wrapped his arms around her tightly without hesitation. Familiar warmth enveloped her and she stared wide-eyed past his shoulder in shock, wondering how she could have ever forgotten the feeling of his strong embrace.

Some of his shoulder length black hair brushed against her cheek and she inhaled deeply.

His scent, his body heat, and even the sound of his breathing brought out such an intense emotion that there was no hope of controlling it. She could not hold back her tears of relief and happiness as they spilled over her cheeks.

Then, as easily as if he had reached in and taken them himself, the pain she kept to herself melted away. The weeks of uncertainty, the dispiriting memories, and the incredible loneliness vanished as if it had never been there to begin with.

"Katara," his velvety voice hummed.

When Zuko finally leaned back, he immediately kissed her. The world around them may have faded away, but Katara was still aware that hundreds of people were watching them, and to display affection like that was not the norm with people like them. Though, Zuko seemed oblivious to it all as if she were the only thing that mattered.

Getting over her surprise in a heartbeat, Katara kissed him back and poured her relief to finally be in his arms again.

* * *

When the carriage came to a halt, the doors were opened to reveal the large courtyard. Zuko was the first to get out and made sure to offer his hand to Katara for support as she stepped to the ground.

Since the moment she met up with him, his hand wrapped tightly around hers and showed reluctant signs of letting go. The second her foot touched the pavement, he wasted no time and sought it out again as they turned to walk to the doors. He took the lead with ease and walked close enough to her that she could feel the warmth of his body melt with hers.

There was nothing this level of comfort could compare to.

She briefly glanced over her shoulder to find the company they traveled up the mountain with far away enough to finally give them a private conversation. They talked plenty on the way up, but, because of the audience, it was light and didn't include the things she wanted to say most. She sighed contently with the more familiar air, but her brow creased with concern when she looked up at Zuko, only to notice (once again) the oddly far off look in his eyes.

"Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

He looked down at her with a slightly raised eyebrow. "I feel fine."

"I think you're lying."

"Why do you say that?"

"I can tell. You seem distracted, there's dark bags under your eyes, and your eyes themselves are a little bloodshot. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're sleep deprived."

"I'm surprised you didn't say something earlier."

"I haven't had a moment alone with you until now." Obviously caught, Zuko's façade seemed to drop. He ran a hand across his face with his eyes now half-lidded.

"I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

"Probably not," she said, then squeezed his hand a little tighter, feeling little hesitant to say what was on her mind next. Even though she was happy to be with him again, an agitated knot welled up in her chest as she contemplated his tired eyes.

Just like the men following them, she wanted to monopolize his time for herself the rest of the day. They spent months apart and all she wanted was his attention. However, Zuko was clearly in need of something else. "You should lie down when we get in."

With amusement, his lips turned to a half smile. "Nagging me already?"

She bumped him with her elbow. "No, I'm just saying you look tired."

"You say that to me all the time."

"No, I don't." It was clear by the look he gave her that he completely disagreed. "Okay, maybe I do, but I'm being serious right now. I've never seen you this bad before."

His smile fell and he slowly looked away. "I haven't slept well lately."

"Was it the rough ride back or the negotiations?"

"Both. Other things, too."

"What other things?"

There was a pause, both in his voice and steps.

"Long nights alone," he said lowly, "You look tired too."

Katara didn't respond, but her silence seemed to be a good enough answer for him. She glanced over her shoulder again at the generals and advisors. "We both need to get away from all this and rest. You need to get away from _them_. Even though you just got back, they still won't give you a break."'

"Did you expect anything less?"

"No," she sighed.

"I'm sorry it's always like this."

"It's fine. I'm used to it."

He hesitated a moment. "You shouldn't be. I'm going to tell them I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off, and the rest of the week."

"Good." She smiled and squeezed his hand. As they neared the doors, she stole another drawn-out glance at his face and ended up staring longer than she intended, trying to rememorize every detail that somehow became hazy during their time apart. Not able to help herself, she reached up and toyed with his black hair.

"What?" he asked, appearing to grow very distracted with how close her hand was to his neck.

"Your hair is longer."

"Oh. I'm going to have it cut soon."

"You don't have to. I...really like it, actually."

"Then I'll keep it like this." He took the hand toying with his hair and kissed it slowly. The way he looked at her under his brow and the sensation of his lips moving across her skin made her breath hitch. His voice lowered, "Do you have any idea how much I missed you?"

"I might," she said as her heart started to beat faster.

It was the heat. It was _always_ the heat that got to her first – in his skin and in his golden eyes. She never admitted it, but Zuko only had to give her one glance such as that and she would unravel almost immediately in his arms. Though, part of her suspected he knew full well the effect he had on her.

It was disappointing when he released her hand and it dropped back to her side, but she reassured herself with the thought that they were going to make up lost time and touches the moment they had the chance. Her eyes darted from his lips to his hands with lewd memories suddenly filling her mind. Now blushing, she cleared her throat.

The palace doors opened for them and as the royal duo stepped in, they were met with a few more greetings. Though it didn't seem they were headed toward Zuko, Katara noticed the advisors getting a little too close for comfort. She tugged his hand to make him start walking again. He didn't object and followed her lead.

"How did things go in Ba Sing Se?" she asked.

"Mind-numbingly slow."

"And?" she pressed.

"There's not much to tell besides what I told you in the letters. It took longer than it should have, but they're satisfied with the plans we put down for all the territories."

Katara frowned at his formal attitude. "Zuko, you know you don't have to keep up appearances with me."

He blinked in surprise and then looked at her a little sheepish. "Sorry, it's habit. I haven't told a lot of people exactly how I felt about that trip. The truth is, I wanted to set that council room on fire more than once, or just-"

"Just what?"

"…beat the hell out of some of those governors."

"I've never heard you say that before."

"I guess you could say I learned a few things about myself while there. For one, I really don't have the patience for negotiations like that. I'm never going to one of those again if I can help it. The ambassadors can handle them on their own next time."

"Hopefully, there won't be a next time."

He agreed with her and silence settled between them. As happy as she felt at the moment, Katara suddenly did not like the way he was looking at her. Like a bad premonition, she could almost feel certain thoughts running through his mind and knew exactly what he was going to bring up next. Not wanting to talk about her time here without him _at all_ , she quickly blurted, "How's Toph?"

He eyed her for a moment. "The same. Just taller."

"That's it?"

"Yep. She called me 'Sparky' in front of a lot of important people."

Katara managed a laugh before her smile faded. "And Aang?"

Zuko's tone dropped too. "Civil."

"I thought it might be different this time."

"It was. To everyone watching, we were old friends who got along well, but I know him well enough to know when he's putting on a show."

"I wish it would change…"

"I'm starting to wonder if it will ever change at all. I'm still the man who stole the woman he loves from him."

Katara was very aware of the present tense choice of word he used. "You didn't steal me."

"That's not how he sees it."

Getting the impression he didn't want to talk about it further, and not wanting to delve into it herself, Katara didn't say anything more.

Zuko and Aang got along fine with each other, but only to a certain point these days. They had a close friendship after the war and the two of them working together accomplished more than anyone could have hoped for in such a short amount of time. It was all thanks to a strong bond of trust they had in one another. Of course, that same bond of trust shattered to pieces when Aang found out why Katara let him go.

Things were better lately and Aang seemed to come to terms with what was going on, but he and Zuko would never again share the kind of friendship they had in the beginning. Though they didn't admit it often, to see Aang somewhat caught in the middle of their relationship was a guilty burden both of them shared.

Zuko suddenly scowled.

"What is it?"

"I just-" He squeezed her hand tighter. "I have a lot on my mind."

"What about?"

Zuko shook his head, irritated. "Everything."

Katara bit at her lip and mumbled, "You really do need a break."

Apparently, she wasn't as quiet as she thought she was. Zuko heard her loud and clear. "What I need is to lock myself in a room with you and not come out until morning."

Katara's heart skipped a beat and she bit down on the grin spreading across her face. Feeling mischievous, she looked up at him to tease him, but froze when she saw his expression almost immediately change. The pouty frown on his lips disappeared and, as if a ghost passed in front of him, he paled and looked away from her.

The unusual stiffness and unease coming from him completely threw Katara off.

"Hey," she said hesitantly. When he didn't respond, she pressed further. "Look at me."

After a few more tension-filled seconds, he did. The look she gave him held a clear message: Are you okay?

He opened his mouth to say something, but the words never made it out. After a moment, he sighed, then glanced at the followers behind them with the same kind of look she gave them earlier. A hand ran over his face again. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired, Katara."

She didn't believe him. Not for a second.

Before she could say anything more, someone appeared at the edge of her vision. An advisor with questions and inquiries written all over his face was looking between them with a scroll in hand. Katara had the sudden urge to grab that scroll and throw it across the room. Was it too much to wish that everyone around her would just disappear so she could have one, single, uninterrupted moment with her clearly distraught husband?

"I'm sorry to interrupt, my lord, my lady, but there is a matter that needs to be addressed."

"What matter?" Katara snapped.

"It is one that was discussed on the ship before the Fire Lord's arrival." He turned to Zuko. "It appears we were wrong."

Zuko's jaw visibly tightened.

"The scrolls," the advisor continued, "arrived before us. We have them waiting in the council room."

Simply seeing and hearing the word 'scrolls' was enough to let Katara know they were trying to thrust more work on Zuko. It hadn't been an hour since he stepped off the ship. Were peace and stillness concepts lost on everyone here? "He just got back," she said.

"I understand, but-"

"He's taking the rest of the day off. Whatever it is, it can wait."

"I'm sorry, but this can't."

She looked to Zuko, who she was counting on to make the final decision, but he didn't look surprised by what the man was saying; only disgruntled. "When do they want an answer?"

"Five days. We'll have to dispatch the message by late tonight or tomorrow afternoon at the latest in order to make it in time." The advisor held out the small scroll. "This is a message from one of the governors. He's going to the capitol soon if he doesn't get an answer."

Zuko took the message and read it.

"Wait. What's going on?" Katara asked.

"We didn't completely finish negotiations while we were there."

"…you left early?" She blinked and felt her blood run cold. "Why did you come back?"

Zuko's jaw tightened again and he briefly glanced at the men surrounding them. "When we left, there were still seven territories we were deciding on, but it wasn't something that needed to be done right away."

"It appears they've changed their minds. This mess won't be over until those are taken care of," the advisor added.

Katara sighed silently with relief, but was still unhappy they were trying to take him away. "Can it wait?" she asked Zuko.

His grip on the scroll tightened and he looked to his advisor, who slowly shook his head with a contrite look on his face. He looked back down at the scroll with a heavy debate raging inside him. As a tense, silent air settled between them all, a part of Katara hoped he would put this aside for her sake.

She was being incredibly selfish, and she knew it. That heavy, burdening secret was kept from him and everyone else so he could focus on keeping a crumbling peace from falling apart completely.

Of course it had to follow him home, and of course it was calling for his attention when she wanted him most.

She was so tired of the golden crowns attached to their heads lately; so tired of everything they brought with them. All she wanted was Zuko right now. Whether it was to talk with, cry with, or sit in silence, just as long as it was _him_.

Yet, despite it all, a situation like this was all too familiar to her. The little voice of rationality she so hated on occasion never failed to make itself heard when faced with something like this. She knew that after all the internal debating, she'd do what she always did; no, what she _had_ to do.

Her lips hardened into a tight line and she straightened up. She slipped her hand out of his, and made Zuko's choice for him. Months, or even years apart from her or not, he had a world to take care of, and she'd always be there when he was finished.

'… _wouldn't I?'_ she thought.

Zuko looked strangely hurt by the choice she made for him. He asked the typical 'are you sure?' and she repeated the same 'yes, of course'. He needed fake smiles of reassurance, and that's exactly what she gave him. Perhaps they worked, perhaps they didn't, but it didn't really matter. As soon as Katara said the words, the advisor, and now a few others who suddenly appeared around them, turned to Zuko and took his attention.

They changed direction and the conversation faded away as Katara fell behind the group silently; lost in a state of inanity and uninterested in participating in a topic she would have otherwise engaged in. Zuko's apologetic eyes kept looking back at her and she tried to convey everything was fine, but the gesture was so forced it wasn't fooling anyone. In the end, there was nothing to forgive. This was life, after all. She knew that. He knew that.

As the men in front of her walked into the council room, she followed behind them, but hesitated in the archway when something caught her eye.

Down another hall, too far away for conversation but close enough to see clearly, her brother was walking in her direction along with a small group of people. When they saw each other, they both froze. Sokka's face changed from surprised to one of concern and Katara decided she thoroughly hated that look.

He opened his mouth, but she didn't give him the chance to utter a word. Ordering the guards not to let anyone disturb them, she closed the council room doors behind her, and didn't hear as her name echoed emptily through the hall.

* * *

Golden dragons, Katara decided, were a nice addition to the ceiling in her room. It may not have been as extravagant as other works of art in the palace, but when light hit it at just the right angle (by the sun or a candle), the mosaic glistened in a way that made it hard to look away from. She was fascinated by it and it usually did a good job of calming her when she wanted it to.

That was the reason why she was laying on her bed with slightly damp hair, staring upward as the only candle in the room flickered to keep away the darkness. She needed peace and quiet; however, the dragons were doing a horrible job of distracting her.

She tapped her fingers on the bedsheets impatiently and looked to the door she expected Zuko to walk through hours ago. It was past midnight by now, well beyond the time they said it would take, and she was still alone.

With a loud sigh, she sat up and decided she was done waiting. She quickly changed out of her silken robe and put on a casual, shorter dress, then pulled out what little water was left in her hair from her long bath. As she stormed out into the hall, she didn't bother putting on shoes and snapped at the guards to not follow her.

She felt a little bad for raising her voice at them, as she had done with many recently, but she'd have to apologize to them later. The only thing she cared about right then was dragging Zuko away from whatever work was still tying him down. She tried to be understanding and one would commend her for lasting so long, but it was getting to the point of ridiculousness.

Katara participated as long as she could in the territory dispute, but left at sundown. She stopped contributing at one point, and grew agitated the longer she had to watch Zuko from afar while political banter raged around them.

Thinking they were close to a resolution anyway, she went to her room and set up a nice bath, hoping he would walk in and join her. She slipped into a slim silk robe and put on expensive perfume, hoping he would he would enjoy it when he stepped in. Yet, the door remained shut, and Katara grew more upset every minute she was left alone.

As she hurriedly walked through the palace with her mind completely clouded with impatience, she did not pay much attention to where she was going and almost missed the two familiar figures at the end of a hall she turned down.

Zuko and Sokka didn't notice her at the darkened end. Her breathing froze and she slowed to a halt as a cold chill of panic ran through her frame when she saw the looks on their faces. Whatever was being discussed, it certainly wasn't a casual topic.

With a downcast frown, Sokka murmured something too low for her to hear. Zuko's head was slightly hung with some of his hair brushing against his cheeks and covering his eyes. The uneasy air between them reached all the way to her and she felt like she could drown in it.

She hoped, with everything she had, they were not talking about what she thought they were.

Sokka wouldn't tell him, would he? She may not have said it directly, but in their conversation last night she made it clear Zuko was not to know. She was going to tell him. It's not like she could keep a secret like that from him, but if it was going to happen, it had to come from her.

Not her brother, not anyone else.

Katara swallowed and resumed at a slower pace. When they spotted her, Sokka straightened and his face lightened up a little. "Hey, you're still up."

She didn't say anything, and couldn't even offer a smile. Their body language and hesitation at seeing her was almost enough to confirm her suspicion. She obviously walked in on something they weren't going to include her in. The silence that settled was thick and heavy until Sokka tried to distract with a light topic, but neither Katara or Zuko said a word.

When his attempt at a conversation failed, Sokka looked between the two. "I, um, I'll see you guys tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Katara said, lowly.

When they were alone, she stiffened when Zuko turned to her. His eyes were tired; looking more raked with exhaustion than earlier. "I thought you might have fallen asleep by now."

"I came to get you," she admitted, uneasy. "What were you two talking about?"

"His trip back to the South Pole."

"You're talking about that now? At this time of night?"

"I ran into him in the hall on the way back."

"Oh…" She eyed him a little unsure, and couldn't tell if he was lying. She didn't feel like he was lying, at least. "On your way back where?"

"One of the sitting rooms. We moved everything there after you left."

"You're still not done?"

"We're finishing up," he said tiredly, then held out his hand, "Come with me."

"I can wait in the room."

Zuko didn't move and his hand waited expectantly. Katara thought about protesting some, but when she noticed a slightly pleading look in his eye, she took it. As they turned and continued on, he pulled her close to him almost possessively. The strange behavior took her aback.

"You smell nice," he said after turning down a couple of halls.

"I took a bath."

"I wish I could have joined you."

"You could have..."

He frowned. "I know. I'm sorry. I've neglected you since getting back."

"You're just doing what you have to."

"It doesn't make it okay, though."

"Well, I-" she stopped when she heard voices echo through the corridor as they neared the sitting room.

"…what do you mean?"

"I'm not talking about the rebellion. I mean what happened afterward."

Fate was surely punishing her tonight. She knew those voices and who they belonged to. Was it impossible to ask for just a little bit of time for herself and the choice to handle this situation on her own?

"Well, lying to the Fire Lord makes me uncomfortable. If she doesn't bring it up soon, someone else-"

"Who's lying to who?" Zuko asked as he stepped into the room. He let go of Katara's hand and she purposefully halted in the archway. As Zuko walked towards the table they were working on earlier, the two advisors (the ones that stayed with her while Zuko left) briefly glanced at Katara at the same time.

The man in red smiled nervously as he turned back to a waiting Zuko. "Hah. Well, looks like you've caught us. I was going to wait to tell you as a surprise, but no matter. The remodeling of your Ember Island estate is finished."

The truth-filled lie was flawless, but a terrible cover. Zuko didn't seem interested in the news and leaned against the table tiredly. "Speaking of the rebellion, I want to talk with the former leaders of it."

"Why do you want to talk to them?" Katara asked a little too frantic.

"I have a few questions to ask."

"We can have them brought here in a few days' time," said the advisor.

"Good." Zuko tapped the side of the table. "I want to talk about it with you all as well."

The man discretely glanced at Katara again and she slowly shook her head. Understanding her message, he said, "It is a very long story and we are already well past midnight. We can stay up and discuss it if you wish, but we have more time for it tomorrow."

"Fine. Tomorrow, then."

Katara folded her arms and leaned against the wall, stepping out of the light and into a thin shadow.

"Well, if there is nothing else you want to go over, we will excuse ourselves for the night."

Zuko nodded and the people in the room busied themselves with wrapping up a few scrolls, mentioning plans for tomorrow and offering a 'goodnight' to Katara as they filed out of the room. She mumbled a response to them, but her attention was entirely on Zuko. His back was to her as he looked over the remaining documents on the table. He showed no signs of leaving like everyone else.

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence when the disappearing footsteps faded.

Zuko tapped his fingers against the table again as he lifted his head to look out the window.

"I'm going to have the gardens redone." Now that it was just the two of them, he didn't hide the heavy fatigue in his voice. He sounded awful…

"Why?"

"To put more water back there. Make it more waterbender friendly."

"I like the gardens the way they are."

He didn't say anything in response and walked over to the couch. He sat down and took off the light armored outfit and set it aside; next his shoes and outer clothes until he was down to a simple tunic and pants. His stiff posture faded as he relaxed and leaned back into the cushions.

"What are you doing over there?" he asked, finally looking at her. "Come here."

She slowly approached him and when she got close enough, he surprised her by grabbing her arm and pulling her onto him. She straddled his lap and didn't make a move to get away. He wrapped his warm arms around her back and tried to bury his face in the crook of her neck. She stopped him when his golden crown almost poked her in the eye.

Realizing it was the problem, he reached up to take it off, but she stopped him again. "I can do it," she said.

He held still as she worked it out of his top knot. When it slipped out, she didn't immediately set it aside and instead turned it over a few times studying the detail. After a moment, she pulled her own top knot loose and set both crowns down next to them.

When she reached back up, she slowly ran her fingers through his longer hair. She felt him shiver as he sighed and hugged her tightly. His hand slowly crept down her back and Katara's heart started beating faster as her cheeks reddened in anticipation.

"I'm sorry I was gone so long," he said, then pulled back to look at her with burning eyes.

"You had to."

She expected him to start kissing her, but instead he closed his eyes, seeming to really enjoy her fingers running through his black locks. Katara didn't think he could look worse than he already did, but with his eyes closed, he looked like he might pass out any second.

"How were things around here?" he asked.

"…the same as usual."

"You weren't treated any differently, were you?"

"I told you in my letters I wasn't. You know I can handle myself." He opened his eyes and looked unconvinced. She sighed and continued, "It's not the same as it used to be. People are giving me some real respect these days."

"Good. The advisors mentioned that to me earlier. I also heard you've been going to the healing houses a lot lately."

"I have."

"Why?"

"Why?" she repeated, confused.

' _To get away from this place,'_ a voice in her head said. Katara shoved it aside as fast as she could. "There's people who need my help there. You're not going to tell me to stop, are you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why are you making that face?"

"I don't mean anything by it. I'm just tired."

"Then let's go to bed."

His arms tightened around her. "Not yet."

Zuko then leaned in and kissed her. Katara gladly accepted it and kissed him back, but it only took a few seconds to sense that something was off. She had a few kisses like this from him in the past. There was a slow desperation to it, and he clung to her in a way that did not make her feel comfortable. This feeling - it was reminiscent of one right before they left each other for months on end.

Not liking it at all, she leaned back. "Zuko, what's going on?"

"I think when Sokka and the rest of the tribe leaves, you should go with them."

"Why?"

"You haven't been home in a while."

Did everyone, even him, forget she was living here now? That this _was_ her home?

"If that's where you want to go for a vacation, I'm fine with it." In his hesitation, she knew what he was thinking, but it was so ridiculous she didn't want to believe it. "I'm not going without you."

He buried his face against her neck again. "You can stay as long as you want."

"I don't want to go."

"As long as you need to."

"I said I don't want to go."

"I know you miss your family."

"Zuko, you're not listening to me." When she tried to pull away from him, he only tightened his hold and pressed her closer against him. She swallowed. "Why are you acting like this? You're scaring me."

"I just-" he faltered.

Suddenly, Zuko's caressing hands stopped and his entire body went rigid. The intense shift felt dangerous, and made Katara nervous. The air was agonizingly quiet for almost a minute before she felt him frown against her skin.

"I almost ordered that bastard be put to death."

Her breath hitched and she felt her heart sink to the ground. She looked past his hair with widened eyes.

"I lied to you earlier," he said, "I didn't leave the negotiations because it was the end. I left because I got a letter."

The sting of betrayal was fierce and tears of anger gathered in her eyes as she realized her worst fear came true.

"I don't want to believe it, and I still can't bring myself to. I spent the entire trip back and all day trying to convince myself otherwise, but," Zuko hesitated, then swallowed, "did he-"

He couldn't finish, but Katara's mind filled in the gaps easily enough.

' _Did he rape you?'_

"No," she said with force. As if anyone could get that close to her…

She heard a broken sigh of relief and some of his stiffness disappeared, but he was still turning into a mess.

"I don't- I don't understand, then. Did he do something else to you? Poison you? Drug you?"

"No…"

"Then why didn't you stop him? They told me he ran at you with a knife and you didn't try to stop him. Then you left. You disappeared. They said they couldn't find you for a week."

It was the pain in his voice that finally made her tears run. He looked at her with pleading eyes. "You got back to the palace and shut yourself away from everyone." His brow furrowed and he gripped her harder. "And then you ordered them not to tell anyone; even me. Why? Why did you do that?"

She swallowed and told him the truth. "I didn't want you to come back because of it. You needed to stay."

He growled in frustration. "I know. I figured that out on my own. I don't understand why you left, though, or why you didn't stop him when he tried to kill you. Were you going to let him?"

"No, I just-"

' _I couldn't move.'_

"I wasn't going to let him."

He quickly shook his head. "Then after that – where did you go?"

"I just went to a small town and stayed there for a bit."

"But why?!"

"Because I didn't want to come back!"

Her tears ran down her cheeks more intensely as she finally told him the truth of it all. His desperation faded and where she expected to see surprise on his face, there was none. Only sadness, as if…

As if he knew she was going to say that.

Since the day she came back after disappearing, the thought of 'why' is what kept her up at night. She'd tell him, and he would ask why. She feared the moment he would because she still did not know what to say to him. Yet, he did not ask her the dreaded question, and instead of offering relief, it terrified her.

With his head hung, his eyes fell and he nearly whispered, "I waited all day for you to say something, but you act like nothing happened. I wish you hadn't kept that from me, Katara. Any of it."

She could no longer look into his heartbroken eyes. She leaned away from him, intending to stand up and back away from him a few steps. She wasn't going to leave him, but she suddenly needed space to collect her rampant thoughts.

As Zuko saw her retreat, panic flashed through his eyes and he clung to her in a way that made it impossible for her to move. "Wait, no. Don't leave me."

Her pathetic struggle stopped at his tone. She never heard fear that like come from him. "Leave you?" she whispered. "Zuko, I just want to stand."

"Stay, please," his voice cracked. "Please."

"Okay…"

Without breaking his hold around her, he leaned to the side until both of them were lying down on the cushions. Zuko rested his chin on top of her head and hugged her even closer to him, making it impossible to escape.

"I should have been here. I should never have left."

Katara wrapped one arm around him and Zuko continued to mumble apology after apology. Only once did she try to say something to him, but he wouldn't listen to her or respond. It was as though he couldn't hear her at all as he kept going on and on. It shocked her to see him in such a state, pleading and desperate, and it broke her heart further with every passing second.

She started to run her fingers across his chest in an attempt to reassure him, and also to try to calm herself down.

Eventually, his mumbling turned incoherent until he stopped completely. She knew he was asleep when his breathing slowed and when she felt his heart beat slower against her palm. Instead of escaping his loose arms, she pressed her tear-stained cheek against him and closed her eyes.

* * *

A/N: You now know some of the secret, but not the details. Hang tight for those. The situation has a lot more depth than what the dialogue suggested.

Personally, though Katara is a strong-willed character, I don't believe she's tough as nails all the time. Just like anyone else, there's only so much of a certain situation she can take before she snaps. With so much going on around her, and being so far away from everyone she loves and trusts, it's not going to be easy for her.

Anyway, I first suspected that you guys might guess it was a miscarriage, so that's why I left that warning last chapter in case that might turn anyone off to the story. The title is actually a big giveaway to the main point of this fic.

Thank you so much for reading and see you guys next chapter! :)

P.S. For anyone that is following my other story 'The Liar's Kiss', know that an update is on its way. I discovered a few plot holes that need to be patched up before I post the next chapter. Plus, sometimes I feel like I'm shoving needles into my eyes as I type up that story. It is that freaking complicated and painful to write.


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